Svadhyaya ... the lessons of Self
The Niyama's in yoga offer Svadhyaya as the study of Self, through meditation and reflection … sounds simple enough; yet when asked to sit with yourself in silence, in reflection, or in meditation many of us get quite squirmy, feel anxious, and ultimately; avoid it like the plague!
Honestly for most of my life I was one of those people; the reason I couldn't sit still was the voice in my head took full advantage of that time to remind me that I wasn't good enough, that I hadn't done enough, that I didn't really know what I was doing sitting there, so it was a giant waste of time, who the hell was I kidding; honestly how is that enlightening, or enjoyable?
Thanks, but no thanks!
As I sat there trying unsuccessfully to quiet that voice, I was taken even further down the shame path, I couldn't even sit still let alone find my breath, chant or open myself to inner wisdom! Every failed attempt felt worse than the one before it, and the same question kept coming up … what the heck is wrong with me?
Sound familiar?
I have yet to speak to a single person with a meditation practice who will tell you it's easy, or that it is always a wonderful experience of personal growth, and enlightenment - like they can hardly stand how amazing they are!
No, what they will tell you; is that the struggles are the journey, the very question that I had to answer and get comfortable with was the one I was left with after all my 'failed' attempts … you see they weren't really fails, they continually brought me to the question that I needed to answer, embrace and accept as my own personal truth … there was nothing wrong with me!
The reason I couldn't sit still, find my breath, or be calm was; I was convinced there was something wrong with me! I believed the voice in my head, and in order to find a productive meditation practice I had to call out that voice, let myself off the wheel of constant 'doing', I had to let my Self 'be'!
I remember when I graduated school; I was so overjoyed with the prospect of being done studying and finally having the freedom to just live! HA! How naïve was I … life is one big lesson, one test, one assignment, one presentation, one bonus question after another … the greatest of all, is the study of our Self - and it is the one so many people leave incomplete!
Who we are, what we want, how we can serve, what is our purpose, where do we belong, all make up the dialogue of that soulful inner voice! Not the voice that barks negativity at you all day long, the one that whispers, softly reassuring you that you are enough, you got this, and you belong everywhere and nowhere … that voice; the one that meditation amplifies!
Three years into a daily meditation practice I can tell you this … it is highly addictive! There is no set path for me, every day is different - while I prefer a morning practice, I am flexible! I love to sit with my mala beads and my sankalpa; but I am equally happy enjoying a walking meditation too! Every day I find time to connect, to listen, to just be!
As someone who is constantly signing up to learn more, to dig deeper, I am in awe of people who go through their entire life and never question … who am I?
I have successful friends who run businesses, raised families and live full and rich lives without ever setting foot in a yoga studio, stared longingly at a full moon, signed up for a meditation challenge, or read a book about the chakras … I used to question what was wrong with me, why don't I 'just know'?
Note to Self - that's comparison right there, and your ego having it's way with you … AGAIN!
Truth is you don't know what is going on in someone else's head; you're assuming they aren't having these thoughts, because they have never told you they are … unless they invite you in, you don't know; and in fairness it isn't your job to know their thoughts - it's your job to know yours.
More than know them, embrace them - even when you don't understand them; and that's the scary, messy place of questioning yourself as you seek understanding - do so without judgement - know that on some level your feelings are guiding you … surrender and flow!
I am a firm believer that not 'everything' is for 'everybody'; except this, the study of one's Self - however you seek guidance in this knowing; whether it is a church, a rock by a river, a meditation cushion on your living room floor, or simply coming back to your breath for comfort, our whole self wellness, depends on accessing that soulful whisper; and honouring it.
As luck would have it this Wednesday October 24th the moon is Full … take your Self outside, breathe in that energy, let the moonlight wash over you, let go of any negativity you're holding - towards yourself and others, offer your Self this chance to just be; your purpose is to study and know your Self, and with that knowledge make the absolute most of who you truly are … that is all. You are your own greatest Source, listen to the whisper.
Namaste
Honestly for most of my life I was one of those people; the reason I couldn't sit still was the voice in my head took full advantage of that time to remind me that I wasn't good enough, that I hadn't done enough, that I didn't really know what I was doing sitting there, so it was a giant waste of time, who the hell was I kidding; honestly how is that enlightening, or enjoyable?
Thanks, but no thanks!
As I sat there trying unsuccessfully to quiet that voice, I was taken even further down the shame path, I couldn't even sit still let alone find my breath, chant or open myself to inner wisdom! Every failed attempt felt worse than the one before it, and the same question kept coming up … what the heck is wrong with me?
Sound familiar?
I have yet to speak to a single person with a meditation practice who will tell you it's easy, or that it is always a wonderful experience of personal growth, and enlightenment - like they can hardly stand how amazing they are!
No, what they will tell you; is that the struggles are the journey, the very question that I had to answer and get comfortable with was the one I was left with after all my 'failed' attempts … you see they weren't really fails, they continually brought me to the question that I needed to answer, embrace and accept as my own personal truth … there was nothing wrong with me!
The reason I couldn't sit still, find my breath, or be calm was; I was convinced there was something wrong with me! I believed the voice in my head, and in order to find a productive meditation practice I had to call out that voice, let myself off the wheel of constant 'doing', I had to let my Self 'be'!
I remember when I graduated school; I was so overjoyed with the prospect of being done studying and finally having the freedom to just live! HA! How naïve was I … life is one big lesson, one test, one assignment, one presentation, one bonus question after another … the greatest of all, is the study of our Self - and it is the one so many people leave incomplete!
Who we are, what we want, how we can serve, what is our purpose, where do we belong, all make up the dialogue of that soulful inner voice! Not the voice that barks negativity at you all day long, the one that whispers, softly reassuring you that you are enough, you got this, and you belong everywhere and nowhere … that voice; the one that meditation amplifies!
Three years into a daily meditation practice I can tell you this … it is highly addictive! There is no set path for me, every day is different - while I prefer a morning practice, I am flexible! I love to sit with my mala beads and my sankalpa; but I am equally happy enjoying a walking meditation too! Every day I find time to connect, to listen, to just be!
As someone who is constantly signing up to learn more, to dig deeper, I am in awe of people who go through their entire life and never question … who am I?
I have successful friends who run businesses, raised families and live full and rich lives without ever setting foot in a yoga studio, stared longingly at a full moon, signed up for a meditation challenge, or read a book about the chakras … I used to question what was wrong with me, why don't I 'just know'?
Note to Self - that's comparison right there, and your ego having it's way with you … AGAIN!
Truth is you don't know what is going on in someone else's head; you're assuming they aren't having these thoughts, because they have never told you they are … unless they invite you in, you don't know; and in fairness it isn't your job to know their thoughts - it's your job to know yours.
I am a firm believer that not 'everything' is for 'everybody'; except this, the study of one's Self - however you seek guidance in this knowing; whether it is a church, a rock by a river, a meditation cushion on your living room floor, or simply coming back to your breath for comfort, our whole self wellness, depends on accessing that soulful whisper; and honouring it.
As luck would have it this Wednesday October 24th the moon is Full … take your Self outside, breathe in that energy, let the moonlight wash over you, let go of any negativity you're holding - towards yourself and others, offer your Self this chance to just be; your purpose is to study and know your Self, and with that knowledge make the absolute most of who you truly are … that is all. You are your own greatest Source, listen to the whisper.
Namaste
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