Ah Life ...
Ah Life … just when you think you are settling in, adjusting even; the tables turn, or flip, or start on fire, or were never really there at all … and in a blink you're standing there with a dumb look on your face, a tonne of questions, that you aren't convinced will ever be answered, and searching for a new direction.
It's complicated right?
And yet it's so damn simple at the same time!
Just do the next right thing … whatever that is!
In my case I am back to creating space; back in January my mission this year was to create! I wanted to create space, create programs, create daily practices and I wanted all that creation to bring me fluidity in my life, and leave me feeling magical … no big deal! lol
They were lofty goals and they were interrupted in April, I was forced to course correct and took a wee jaunt 'back tracking' down a familiar but difficult path, it didn't end the way I hoped; but there was learning and healing to be found, so it wasn't a total waste of time … but getting back to my mission for 2018 is taking some serious work!
I'm not the same person I was when I created my mission in January; and while creative, fluid and magical all still fit in my core desired feelings package … the path I thought I needed to find them on has changed!
I have changed!
It's a strange and disorienting thing to look back on a plan that held such passion and not recognize the person you were when you made it … to feel disconnected from your Self! Alas, I decided to just get back to creating space; in hopes it would come back to me … the next right thing!
As I shed things from this house (and I'm talking truck loads of things to charity) I realize that I have shed just as much from my personal baggage; I am lighter, groundless; and I feel like I am floating around in the wind without a true direction, or purpose … but it feels good, in a most peculiar and unfamiliar way!
Of course I have responsibilities, I still have commitments; but I also feel limitless in my opportunities, and for the first time in a long time; I feel free!
Free of the guilt I have been holding over my own head about how things have turned out, free from the responsibility of other people's consequences, free of the limited way I was sharing myself, free of any doubt that I am enough, free to finally - just be me.
For what feels like my entire life, I have been grounded and practical; I have nurtured and carried burdens for everyone else … this feels like my time, I feel like the practice of 'letting go' just got so damn real!
I say it often, and completely embody it in every moment of every day; I am blessed, truly blessed with an amazing life!
It isn't perfect, it isn't effortless or easy, my heart has broken a time or two (thousand), but I am held, supported, and fully aware of; not only my potential to make a difference, but all the unique and amazing ways I can make that difference.
The stumbling block I am trying to get passed right now is simple; how exactly do I want to show up, and what is it exactly that I am showing up for … and exhale!
I have been cramming in learning for several years now, everything from the vast and seemingly endless realms of my yoga teacher training, enhancing my personal training and nutritional coaching, and the soul filling 'woo' of astrology, reiki and equine practices …. the mindset has been fueled by a passionate desire to learn, but also shadowed by a fear that I don't know enough to teach, so there must always be more!
This week in the meditation challenge; in this groundless, floaty space I am in: the path is clearing, I am seeing how it is all woven into a wellness path; my wellness path!
My philosophies and programs have always been deeply routed in my own experiences; enhanced of course with formal training for proper articulation; moving forward my trainings, my offerings; will continue to be based on what I have learned - the shift I am feeling is in the realization that I am not looking to regurgitate the specifics of what I have learned - my path isn't to teach yoga teacher training, reiki, or even astrology as I have learned them… my path is to share how these things have integrated into a Whole Self Lifestyle for me; a lifestyle that is completely available to you!
My passion has always been to create 'experiences' for clients; to offer them 'off the beaten path' fitness options, nutritional plans that support them and their unique needs, and open them to whatever their creative, spiritual heartbeat is looking for! Experiences that invite people to live their lives awake, and challenges them to demand more for themselves, and feel completely worthy of all that more!
But first … deeper clarity, greater understanding, more integration, and patience; as it all settles into my life! At Home is having a 'Holy Shift' moment right now and it is so damned good to be alive!
With a dark night and a new moon hanging in the sky I am content in my groundlessness; I am open to floating for a wee while, as I let my ideas move through me and consider all the ways I will continue to create; I come full circle to … Ah Life!
It's complicated right?
And yet it's so damn simple at the same time!
Just do the next right thing … whatever that is!
In my case I am back to creating space; back in January my mission this year was to create! I wanted to create space, create programs, create daily practices and I wanted all that creation to bring me fluidity in my life, and leave me feeling magical … no big deal! lol
They were lofty goals and they were interrupted in April, I was forced to course correct and took a wee jaunt 'back tracking' down a familiar but difficult path, it didn't end the way I hoped; but there was learning and healing to be found, so it wasn't a total waste of time … but getting back to my mission for 2018 is taking some serious work!
I'm not the same person I was when I created my mission in January; and while creative, fluid and magical all still fit in my core desired feelings package … the path I thought I needed to find them on has changed!
I have changed!
It's a strange and disorienting thing to look back on a plan that held such passion and not recognize the person you were when you made it … to feel disconnected from your Self! Alas, I decided to just get back to creating space; in hopes it would come back to me … the next right thing!
As I shed things from this house (and I'm talking truck loads of things to charity) I realize that I have shed just as much from my personal baggage; I am lighter, groundless; and I feel like I am floating around in the wind without a true direction, or purpose … but it feels good, in a most peculiar and unfamiliar way!
Of course I have responsibilities, I still have commitments; but I also feel limitless in my opportunities, and for the first time in a long time; I feel free!
Free of the guilt I have been holding over my own head about how things have turned out, free from the responsibility of other people's consequences, free of the limited way I was sharing myself, free of any doubt that I am enough, free to finally - just be me.
For what feels like my entire life, I have been grounded and practical; I have nurtured and carried burdens for everyone else … this feels like my time, I feel like the practice of 'letting go' just got so damn real!
I say it often, and completely embody it in every moment of every day; I am blessed, truly blessed with an amazing life!
It isn't perfect, it isn't effortless or easy, my heart has broken a time or two (thousand), but I am held, supported, and fully aware of; not only my potential to make a difference, but all the unique and amazing ways I can make that difference.
The stumbling block I am trying to get passed right now is simple; how exactly do I want to show up, and what is it exactly that I am showing up for … and exhale!
I have been cramming in learning for several years now, everything from the vast and seemingly endless realms of my yoga teacher training, enhancing my personal training and nutritional coaching, and the soul filling 'woo' of astrology, reiki and equine practices …. the mindset has been fueled by a passionate desire to learn, but also shadowed by a fear that I don't know enough to teach, so there must always be more!
This week in the meditation challenge; in this groundless, floaty space I am in: the path is clearing, I am seeing how it is all woven into a wellness path; my wellness path!
My philosophies and programs have always been deeply routed in my own experiences; enhanced of course with formal training for proper articulation; moving forward my trainings, my offerings; will continue to be based on what I have learned - the shift I am feeling is in the realization that I am not looking to regurgitate the specifics of what I have learned - my path isn't to teach yoga teacher training, reiki, or even astrology as I have learned them… my path is to share how these things have integrated into a Whole Self Lifestyle for me; a lifestyle that is completely available to you!
My passion has always been to create 'experiences' for clients; to offer them 'off the beaten path' fitness options, nutritional plans that support them and their unique needs, and open them to whatever their creative, spiritual heartbeat is looking for! Experiences that invite people to live their lives awake, and challenges them to demand more for themselves, and feel completely worthy of all that more!
With a dark night and a new moon hanging in the sky I am content in my groundlessness; I am open to floating for a wee while, as I let my ideas move through me and consider all the ways I will continue to create; I come full circle to … Ah Life!
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