Responsibility ... how to take yours!

Armed with a pocket journal filled with notes that I have been jotting down for the last 6 weeks, since my last blog post; I spent a few hours this afternoon trying to organize the thoughts into categories, to make sense of the moments, thoughts, happenings and questions! 

One of the many blessings of being a writer is the inherent need to leave a paper trail – when enough thoughts connect, voila I have a blog!  There have been a great many moments over the past month; both my own and those experienced with clients that have tested my resolve about refusing to be an enabler!  I keep reminding myself that the truth will set me free; but first it will piss me off - and then I will settle down and write about it for clarification ;)

There is an underlying theme that has played out for the past 6 weeks and at the root of all my notes lies ‘take responsibility’!  When things are going according to plan everyone is quick to admit ‘they’re on it’; when things stray off course, all bets are off; and the excuses run rampant! 

The assumption is that we are going to be judged; perhaps even ridiculed for being off course; so rather than take ownership we blame someone else.  You will note here that I am using ‘off course’, not wrong! I’m a firm believer in grey areas, some things are definitely wrong, others just require a shake of the compass – regardless of where they land on the colour chart; they are opportunities to learn, valuable experiences that shape how we move forward – when we take responsibility!

Experience has taught me a great many things, not the least of which is you have to own your choices; right or wrong; ownership opens you to growth in learning the lesson!  I believe that experience is born of two things; first is the courage to try!  We gain experience through trying new things, having the courage to risk being vulnerable allows us to discover new strengths, and weaknesses – regardless of the outcome, experience is ours through the process of trying!  No one can take your experiences away from you, own them, and the lessons; by taking responsibility for making the choice, to take the chance, to gain experience!

Experience is also available to us when we open ourselves up to listening to the experiences of others!  This is a tricky one, because it can often get tangled up with excuses!  Common sense prevails in this form of gaining experience.  For instance, when some tells you quitting smoking was the hardest thing they ever did, it would make no sense at all for you to start smoking to challenge that theory!  However, when someone says, I tried broccoli once it was awful, you really should try it for yourself!  If you end up hating broccoli so be it, but I can assure you, your body will be better for that trial than attempting to start and quit smoking!

Experiences happen to us all day everyday; it isn’t always the result of a voluntary choice we make; sometimes bad things happen to good people!  The scenarios are endless; we are working our tail off to lose 5 pounds and it isn’t happening, we lose loved ones, have disagreements with friends, and feel deflated; life isn’t fair!  The moment the words come out of your mouth; ‘life isn’t fair’; chalk one up to a lesson learned!  LIFE isn’t fair, when we accept that experiences; good or bad; don’t define us, or our lives, is when we can move forward!  Who we are isn’t about what we have been through; it’s about how we handle it!  It’s about taking the lesson and applying it to a new path; or using it to move faster on the one we are on!

In a previous blog I talked about ‘so what!’!  Life is unfair – so what!  So, what are you going to do about it?  Blame someone else?  Stay stuck in the rut you have filled with guilt, fear, shame, self-pity and entitlement; wallowing in the sympathy people toss your way?  Or take the hit, take ownership of the choices you have made that have landed you in the rut, or accept that what happened was really beyond your control and dust yourself off, use the experience to make different choices? 

No one can do it for you, whether you are looking to lose weight, gain a new skill or move past a loss; the responsibility is yours to make that goal happen!  One of the greatest things I have earned in taking responsibility for myself, and my actions; is the sense of empowerment I feel knowing that I did the work!  I got vulnerable, took a chance, survived and learned a lesson that puts me closer to my goal! Responsibility is a lot like forgiveness in that respect, we do it for ourselves; so that we can move forward!

It all feels a little harsh for me when I back people into taking responsibility; tough love perhaps.  As a trainer one of the greatest obstacles a client faces aren’t portion control, finances, or time restrictions; it’s teaching them to take responsibility for themselves! 

There is a tremendous shift in success when clients lean into the process and push back against their fears!  The end result of letting go of excuses; is the freedom to experience empowerment – which is my wish for every client!  Make the choice, to take the chance, to create the change!