Stress Creek.. Emotional Response
So part two of surviving Stress Creek starts with emotions; we all have them, and they are inherently different than gut instinct (lets get clear on that first and foremost)!
Our emotions play a huge part in our stress levels, and it's often in a negative way! Emotions get the first crack at every response we have; to everything that happens around us...
Someone cuts us off in traffic.. boom emotion is there and it's screaming 'lay on the horn and flip that guy off!'!
Someone leaves an empty roll on the toilet paper holder ... boom emotion is there and it's screaming at everyone in the house about how inconsiderate they are!
Your favourite song from high school comes on ... boom emotion is there and it's got you digging up profiles of your ex's on facebook wondering if they ever think about you!
Ok so maybe it's not that bad; but the reality for many of us is this; when we lead with emotions we aren't seeing things as they are, we are seeing them as we are! Emotions are individual to our own life experience, like art. No two people react the same way, for the same reasons... a room full of people may be laughing or crying but each of them will be relating to their own experience in that display of emotion. What's more is one day you laugh at something and the next you're a weeping mess? What the heck is up with that?
Brene Brown describes the emotional response as 'SFD' (shitty first draft). As a writer this was profound for me; nothing is every fully right in that first draft, there is always more to the story! The emotions that come up in that initial response to what's happening to us are seldom born of fact, or logic, they're just there creating a story for you, something to wrap your head around...because our brain needs a story, we need details to pull things together, if they aren't there - we will make them up; and depending on our mood.. oh the stories we create!
How about you send an email to a friend totally opening up about a situation that's got you stressed and they don't respond? That lack of response can send you into an emotional response of 'wow thanks for taking the time to acknowledge me, like I needed that from you right now? I don't have enough to deal with; you needed to trivialize my situation by ignoring me? sorry for wasting your precious time with my little problem' and you carry on with your day deciding that person is no longer your friend!
The reality might be they didn't get your message; or they got it and are giving some thought to a meaningful response not just a patronizing 'chinny up!'; maybe they are trying to clear their schedule for a face to face to help you? You see where I'm going? Emotion sends you places that logic never would! Emotions can generate imaginary stress in your life; and that imaginary stress has a real impact on your overall well being!
So in stress; and in life in general we need to recognize that 'SFD' of emotional response and apply some logic to it. When I first started blogging I would sit down with an inspiration and start writing; I was often moved to write by an emotional response; and so once I had that first draft done, I would go back over it (about 300 times) and apply logic, massage out the emotional perceptions that were my SFD and eventually I would have something worth sharing, that was informative' and while it offered my emotional sentiment it wasn't an irrational tangent anymore!
I like to use emotion as a guide to help me navigate stress; when I am feeling strongly about something; I get curious! I ask myself a lot of questions about why this is affecting me so strongly and I start breaking up emotion with fact. This can sometimes happen quickly and in other situations it can take me a long time to figure it out; either way my goal is to use my emotions to figure myself out; rather than letting my emotions use me to wreak havoc on unsuspecting strangers who cut me off in traffic!
How many times have you stressed yourself out over an emotional perception of something that happened; only to later realize that what your emotions created wasn't what really happened at all? I can't count the times; but I know they are fewer and farther between since I started getting curious about my emotional responses; and spent a little extra time between event and response!
As we try to get a handle on our stress; because let's be real we can't eliminate it... let's spend some extra time on that shitty first draft. Go over that list of stressors again, this time apply logic instead of emotion; see if the stressor is still as big as you originally thought?
We can't control the things that happen to us (or 'for' us if you're into the everything happens for a reason philosophy); but we can control how we respond! That response control is in controlling your emotions; especially those naggy, negative ones that love a stress inducing dramafest!
Our emotions play a huge part in our stress levels, and it's often in a negative way! Emotions get the first crack at every response we have; to everything that happens around us...
Someone cuts us off in traffic.. boom emotion is there and it's screaming 'lay on the horn and flip that guy off!'!
Someone leaves an empty roll on the toilet paper holder ... boom emotion is there and it's screaming at everyone in the house about how inconsiderate they are!
Your favourite song from high school comes on ... boom emotion is there and it's got you digging up profiles of your ex's on facebook wondering if they ever think about you!
Ok so maybe it's not that bad; but the reality for many of us is this; when we lead with emotions we aren't seeing things as they are, we are seeing them as we are! Emotions are individual to our own life experience, like art. No two people react the same way, for the same reasons... a room full of people may be laughing or crying but each of them will be relating to their own experience in that display of emotion. What's more is one day you laugh at something and the next you're a weeping mess? What the heck is up with that?
Brene Brown describes the emotional response as 'SFD' (shitty first draft). As a writer this was profound for me; nothing is every fully right in that first draft, there is always more to the story! The emotions that come up in that initial response to what's happening to us are seldom born of fact, or logic, they're just there creating a story for you, something to wrap your head around...because our brain needs a story, we need details to pull things together, if they aren't there - we will make them up; and depending on our mood.. oh the stories we create!
How about you send an email to a friend totally opening up about a situation that's got you stressed and they don't respond? That lack of response can send you into an emotional response of 'wow thanks for taking the time to acknowledge me, like I needed that from you right now? I don't have enough to deal with; you needed to trivialize my situation by ignoring me? sorry for wasting your precious time with my little problem' and you carry on with your day deciding that person is no longer your friend!
The reality might be they didn't get your message; or they got it and are giving some thought to a meaningful response not just a patronizing 'chinny up!'; maybe they are trying to clear their schedule for a face to face to help you? You see where I'm going? Emotion sends you places that logic never would! Emotions can generate imaginary stress in your life; and that imaginary stress has a real impact on your overall well being!
So in stress; and in life in general we need to recognize that 'SFD' of emotional response and apply some logic to it. When I first started blogging I would sit down with an inspiration and start writing; I was often moved to write by an emotional response; and so once I had that first draft done, I would go back over it (about 300 times) and apply logic, massage out the emotional perceptions that were my SFD and eventually I would have something worth sharing, that was informative' and while it offered my emotional sentiment it wasn't an irrational tangent anymore!
I like to use emotion as a guide to help me navigate stress; when I am feeling strongly about something; I get curious! I ask myself a lot of questions about why this is affecting me so strongly and I start breaking up emotion with fact. This can sometimes happen quickly and in other situations it can take me a long time to figure it out; either way my goal is to use my emotions to figure myself out; rather than letting my emotions use me to wreak havoc on unsuspecting strangers who cut me off in traffic! How many times have you stressed yourself out over an emotional perception of something that happened; only to later realize that what your emotions created wasn't what really happened at all? I can't count the times; but I know they are fewer and farther between since I started getting curious about my emotional responses; and spent a little extra time between event and response!
As we try to get a handle on our stress; because let's be real we can't eliminate it... let's spend some extra time on that shitty first draft. Go over that list of stressors again, this time apply logic instead of emotion; see if the stressor is still as big as you originally thought?
We can't control the things that happen to us (or 'for' us if you're into the everything happens for a reason philosophy); but we can control how we respond! That response control is in controlling your emotions; especially those naggy, negative ones that love a stress inducing dramafest!
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