The 'Me First" Practice...

Bright sunshine and humidity on a Wednesday morning … on any morning for the last three months actually, but whose counting!  Realized it's Wellness Wednesday and I don't have a blog to post … yikes!

September is 5 days new, I am 5 days into my reset which means no alcohol, no process, 7+ hours of sleep a night, a daily movement practice, meditation and whole food nourishment … taking care of myself without the softened edges that my nightly wine brings, has been eye opening, overwhelming and a little frustrating in the most amazing way!

Taking care of myself, it's something I have always strived for; raising a family often presented with challenges - I mean kids are time consuming, exhausting and 15 years is never enough to get it all done … right?  

            What has changed is the number of people I have dependent on me for the basic necessities of life!  Looking back; I realize that I am far nicer to myself now, than I ever was with 3 small children in tow!  There was never enough time, and society presented with all sorts of ways for me to measure myself ‘lacking’!  I realize now those measurements were my ego at its prime!  Whether it was real or imagined on my part, I was constantly being judged, (or so I thought) and when I compared what I was doing, to what other mothers, and women my age, were doing I almost always felt inadequate.  It seemed the harder I tried for that ever elusive ‘Mother of the year award’, the less attainable it felt... the less I liked myself, the harder I pushed myself and the more miserable I became!  The never ending, no way to win world of comparison!  

            I hear it often with clients, I can’t make it to class because the kids have soccer practice right after dance class, I need to leave a little early because I have to get groceries and pick my husband up before getting the car home for my son to go to his friends, I can’t renew my membership this month because I have to pay for hockey registration; we’ve all been there, I know it was the story of my life for a lot of years!  You might think I am spotting this problem on the other side of it, and hindsight is 20/20; but the reality is, I learned in the midst of the chaos that were our child rearing years, that I needed to communicate my need for help; and I most certainly needed to look after myself, or I was of no use to anyone else!  Letting go of the comparisons, kicking my ego to the curb, and knowing when to cry ‘uncle’; brought me to a whole new existence – one where I mattered!  

            Anyone who has travelled has listened to the flight attendant’s speech about survival in the event of a loss of cabin pressure or a crash... a mask will drop from the overhead compartment to provide oxygen, please secure your own mask before attempting to help those around you.  Sounds reasonable right?  It only makes sense that you ensure your own health in order to support those dependent on you; well take note - this principle applies to everything in life, it’s really that simple!  So why do we get so hung up on putting everyone else first?  Why do our own basic needs become secondary to those of our spouse, or our children?

            Yes, women are most definitely built to nurture by nature; and society most certainly frowns on children going without while mom is self indulgent; but is it self-indulgent to take care of your health?  If you’re not healthy, who is going to look after your family?  There are lots of ways to look after your-self that don’t involve skimping on the family grocery budget, and where is it written that a good mother has to be in 4 places at once!  Get creative and get your family involved – have everyone set priorities, things they really need and want to be happy, have discussions, make compromises and be amazed!  

            It was certainly engrained in me very early that as a mom, and wife; my family came first, anything less than everything; was unacceptable!  My family is still the most important thing in my life, but in order to look after them the way I believe they deserve; I always try to reach for my oxygen mask first.  Making time for your-self, sends a message to those who share your journey; that message simply, is that you love and respect yourself... when they receive that message they will treat you with love and respect!  I almost hate to say it; but this too my friends, is a practice!  

            The ‘me first’ practice; it’s a tough one, especially for women!  The decision to live a healthy active lifestyle, and strive for balance may seem huge; and in reality; it is huge, in every positive way imaginable!  My challenge to women everywhere is to go first; make better food choices (for you and your family), find ways to connect and communicate your needs, move your body, take a fitness class – make your health; mental and physical a priority... reach for your mask, and when you’re safe; you will be in a much better place to care for those dependent on you – and they in turn will know how to help take care of you!

          I look forward to the next 25 days of this reset, to making the absolute most of this rested, nourished, clarity to really tap into my 'Me first' lifestyle!  It isn't selfish, it isn't indulgent, its a necessity and I hope that everyone uses this month, no matter where you are in your life, to find at least a few minutes a day to connect and honour yourself with some compassion and gratitude!  You are Amazing & absolutely Enough … go first!