Creating Space ... for 2019
The Holiday Season … over and over I have heard 'the holiday season' for a month now; and I am not gonna lie - I have been faking it till I make it for weeks!
I am not going to be the 'debby downer' all over everyone's 'Christmas Spirit' … it's totally okay for me to be without spirit, but totally unacceptable to spew that shit all over everyone else! You're Welcome ;)
So 2018 was my year to 'Create Space' … for myself, in my home, on all levels I have been purging - letting go of what no longer serves me and creating space for MORE of what I want!
I have been really working on my practices, daily movement, meditation, amazing mornings and productive evenings, time for writing, open communication within my relationships - creating space for them to grow … it has been a very good year for me; a challenging, intensely difficult year, but without challenge there is no growth … I'm currently 6 foot tall and bullet proof - just sayin!
The purging has been a priority, but honestly, letting go of things is so incredibly hard for me - the fact that I have come to be on a first name basis with the volunteers at the thrift store; is a testament to how successful I have been!
Still, there are at least 30 totes (large!) in my basement, 4 antique trunks, 1 or 2 random cabinets (crammed with stuff), and all the fitness equipment from my now closed studio … 1500 square feet is pretty tight … plus two daughters with all their 'stuff', beds & clothes & 25+ years of their own lives … 10 days ago all of it was floating after our sump pump failed ….
So water; a complete necessity to life; the first issue I deal with in all my nutrition clients; it is important in our wellness regime … not so much in our basements!
But honestly, and I'm not trying to wax a turd here - this is probably the best thing that could have happened to me! I was hovering on the surface of my purging; I wasn't going into the dark places, or digging deep … not the way I had tackled the emotional work in my relationships this year!
The universe knows what you need - I believe that to be true, more now, than ever before!
2018 has been a year of depth and dark places for me; the stuff you keep skimming over, I mean you want to deal with it; but really, it's gonna be messy and inconvenient … right?
You can see how digging in, and really doing the damn work would be awesome … but … maybe another time, cause it's sort of okay the way it is now - I've gotten used to it this way! This passed year I stopped accepting what had always been; and really took relationships and behaviour patterns to task .. and yes; it was messy, inconvenient and incredibly painful!
Of course, nothing is 'fixed' forever, life, love and relationships are an on going, never ending work in progress - but what I have done is what I like to think of as 'course correction'. I have taken the time to repair, so I don't have to repeat; communicated, connected and set clear boundaries; which change the course of how relationships will move going forward. It's genius in the end, everything shining under a new 'hope' for something better, and the lessons learned in the depths of the muck - priceless!
10 days ago I stood in the midst of the chaos as my basement was ripped apart, belongings were wiped down and piled up; I vaguely remember listening to the rebuild plans that were laid out by the incredible restoration team … but mostly I remember feeling like I was drowning! The water was gone, but the aftermath was swallowing me whole it seemed! Seriously, had I not done enough digging in the darkness already?
I looked around for what should be first?
The next right thing to do … but I had nothing!
It took me the better part of three days to face my piled up life, and I started with a skimming of garbage - what could absolutely not be salvaged and I removed it from the equation. In that simple choice I had created space … and when I thought about that, it made me smile!
As I walked into closets that had been crammed full of totes and realized just how clear that space could be; I was completely motivated to hold that space! To reengineer that space into something that would better serve me than these 30 odd totes of my past life!
I have a lot of work ahead in this process; a lot of emotional sorting out to do as I am letting these things go … but I am focussed on the space!
I am focussed on the rebuild being more inline with our lives here At Home … space that is of more service, space born of a choice, rather than what was left over, and I realized something about this creation of space - I need to surrender myself to it, stop fighting it, or striving for it, it's there - all I have to do - is just be in it!
My life, just like yours; is unfolding exactly as it should … for better or for worse - and while this isn't the best of times, it certainly isn't the worst! It isn't happening 'to' me, it's happening 'for' me is the daily reminder I shoot myself when I start whining about the work … it is an opportunity and I am taking it!
It is a tradition for me to choose a 'word' each New Year, as I am looking ahead with intentions … this year that word is Surrender … not in defeat, or exhaustion; surrender isn't about giving up; it is the opportunity to simply embody my life … to BE!
Over the course of the last 3 years of this New Years tradition I have lived through healing, growth, and creating … for 2019 I will surrender to the embodiment of who I AM meant to be in this new space I AM creating!
Wishing everyone a safe and happy new year - thank you so much for sharing your journey with me! Cheers to 2019 and everything it will offer us!
I am not going to be the 'debby downer' all over everyone's 'Christmas Spirit' … it's totally okay for me to be without spirit, but totally unacceptable to spew that shit all over everyone else! You're Welcome ;)
So 2018 was my year to 'Create Space' … for myself, in my home, on all levels I have been purging - letting go of what no longer serves me and creating space for MORE of what I want!
I have been really working on my practices, daily movement, meditation, amazing mornings and productive evenings, time for writing, open communication within my relationships - creating space for them to grow … it has been a very good year for me; a challenging, intensely difficult year, but without challenge there is no growth … I'm currently 6 foot tall and bullet proof - just sayin!
The purging has been a priority, but honestly, letting go of things is so incredibly hard for me - the fact that I have come to be on a first name basis with the volunteers at the thrift store; is a testament to how successful I have been!
Still, there are at least 30 totes (large!) in my basement, 4 antique trunks, 1 or 2 random cabinets (crammed with stuff), and all the fitness equipment from my now closed studio … 1500 square feet is pretty tight … plus two daughters with all their 'stuff', beds & clothes & 25+ years of their own lives … 10 days ago all of it was floating after our sump pump failed ….
But honestly, and I'm not trying to wax a turd here - this is probably the best thing that could have happened to me! I was hovering on the surface of my purging; I wasn't going into the dark places, or digging deep … not the way I had tackled the emotional work in my relationships this year!
The universe knows what you need - I believe that to be true, more now, than ever before!
2018 has been a year of depth and dark places for me; the stuff you keep skimming over, I mean you want to deal with it; but really, it's gonna be messy and inconvenient … right?
You can see how digging in, and really doing the damn work would be awesome … but … maybe another time, cause it's sort of okay the way it is now - I've gotten used to it this way! This passed year I stopped accepting what had always been; and really took relationships and behaviour patterns to task .. and yes; it was messy, inconvenient and incredibly painful!
Of course, nothing is 'fixed' forever, life, love and relationships are an on going, never ending work in progress - but what I have done is what I like to think of as 'course correction'. I have taken the time to repair, so I don't have to repeat; communicated, connected and set clear boundaries; which change the course of how relationships will move going forward. It's genius in the end, everything shining under a new 'hope' for something better, and the lessons learned in the depths of the muck - priceless!
10 days ago I stood in the midst of the chaos as my basement was ripped apart, belongings were wiped down and piled up; I vaguely remember listening to the rebuild plans that were laid out by the incredible restoration team … but mostly I remember feeling like I was drowning! The water was gone, but the aftermath was swallowing me whole it seemed! Seriously, had I not done enough digging in the darkness already?
I looked around for what should be first?
The next right thing to do … but I had nothing!
It took me the better part of three days to face my piled up life, and I started with a skimming of garbage - what could absolutely not be salvaged and I removed it from the equation. In that simple choice I had created space … and when I thought about that, it made me smile!
As I walked into closets that had been crammed full of totes and realized just how clear that space could be; I was completely motivated to hold that space! To reengineer that space into something that would better serve me than these 30 odd totes of my past life!
I am focussed on the rebuild being more inline with our lives here At Home … space that is of more service, space born of a choice, rather than what was left over, and I realized something about this creation of space - I need to surrender myself to it, stop fighting it, or striving for it, it's there - all I have to do - is just be in it!
My life, just like yours; is unfolding exactly as it should … for better or for worse - and while this isn't the best of times, it certainly isn't the worst! It isn't happening 'to' me, it's happening 'for' me is the daily reminder I shoot myself when I start whining about the work … it is an opportunity and I am taking it!
It is a tradition for me to choose a 'word' each New Year, as I am looking ahead with intentions … this year that word is Surrender … not in defeat, or exhaustion; surrender isn't about giving up; it is the opportunity to simply embody my life … to BE!
Over the course of the last 3 years of this New Years tradition I have lived through healing, growth, and creating … for 2019 I will surrender to the embodiment of who I AM meant to be in this new space I AM creating!
Wishing everyone a safe and happy new year - thank you so much for sharing your journey with me! Cheers to 2019 and everything it will offer us!
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